#5 - The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

We've made it to the top 5. For those of you who've stuck with us this far and read every preview, we appreciate you. For those of you reading your first preview, we appreciate you. You might say that we're full of appreciation. And if there's one team this year that deserves a bit of your appreciation, it's the Los Angeles Angels.

The Angels did exactly the opposite of the A's this season and spent a ton of money. How much money, you ask? They gave Albert Pujols $240 Million. They gave CJ Wilson 77.5 Millon. They still owe Vernon Wells about 60 Million. They gave Jered Weaver 85 Million. They owe Torii Hunter 18 Million, and Bobby Abreu 9 Million. Did you get all that? Their payroll of about 138 million this year ranks fourth in the majors. It is double what the A's pay their roster.

Needless to say, I now think Arte Moreno looks like this:

#7 - The Detroit Tigers

So just when I thought I could play some video games and then take a nice nap before waking up at 2:50 to attempt to watch opening day. That's right, the 2012 baseball season starts today. Though if you were to look at MLB.com, you would barely know. That's right, I have some hate for Bud Selig right now, but I'll do my best to leave that out, and focus on the Detroit Tigers

The Tigers have quietly become one of my favorite teams outside of the A's as of late, and I hope to explain to myself why as I write this preview. Though I really didn't appreciate seeing the Magglio walkoff against my A's in the 2006 ALCS played over and over last year, the Tigers have a lot of pieces to like.

I wrote last year how Detroit had become something of a depressed sports city, but that turned around last year. The Tigers reached the ALCS, and even the lowly Lions made the playoffs. That's right, like Clint Eastwood says, it's the Fourth Quarter America, and it's time for the Tigers to shine.



Yeah, his logic isn't that good, but I never claimed to be very bright either. And when a man wear's his pants that high, you know he must be right.

#9 - Tampa Bay Rays

That's right, the team that went first in our draft out of the AL East was not the Red Sox, nor was it the Yankees. It was the Tampa Bay Rays, who, over the past few years, have played the most exciting baseball that no one ever watches. Really, last year they averaged on 18,878 fans per game. That number is good for 29th in the league, only better than the Oakland A's. The difference is that with a record of 91-71, that means the Rays averaged 207 fans per win on their average attendance. The A's earned 246 fans for each of their 74 wins.

So why don't Floridans embrace this franchise that has been in the playoffs 3 of the past four years? Why don't they show up by the boatload to see this team that has won 2 AL East crowns and an AL Pennant in the last four years? The world may never know.

But one can still make conjectures. Their park, the Trop, is an eyesore. The Tampa Bay area has only been a baseball city since 1998, and until about 2007, the team was the butt of every joke in major league baseball. Until 2008, they had only won 70 games once in their history. I think these fans either can't believe, or are just largely unaware that this team exists. After suffering through about a decade of ineptitude, the Rays have become one of the top teams in the league. They've developed a bevy of young talent and succeeded with it. Last year was admittedly a "rebuilding" year, but with all the talent, they made winning 91 look easy. Still, no one came to the park, and I know why. Steve Irwin.

#11 - The New York Yankees

That's right, the Yankees didn't crack the top ten. In case you don't remember from last year's post or you've never talked to me about baseball. I hate the Yankees. I hate them because they are a Goliath in the sports world whose level of success can't be compared to any other professional American franchise. To reiterate, the Yankees have won the AL Pennant 40 times in 109 tries. It's obscene. It's enough to drive any sports fan in any other city nuts. And in at least one case, I know it to be very, very true.

The Yankees are the kings of the majors. If you ask anyone in America to name a baseball team, chances are that they know the Yankees, even if they can't name the team in their own backyard. Yes, I know that my extreme dislike of the Yankees is based in envy. I want my team to have that level of success year in and year out that makes me believe we're failed if we didn't win the World Series. I want to know that my ownership is willing to spend obscene amounts of money to get players they have no business signing. I want my roster to have players that all have contact and power ratings of 85 instead of 65 in video games. It makes them so much easier to play.

But most of all, I hate Derek Jeter. I hate his smug smile. I hate his five World Championship rings. I hate the fact that he's going to be a first ballot hall of famer. I hate that he represents everything Yankee. I especially dislike the fact that he is a truly good human being who plays the game well and shows up every day with a smile. God I'm jealous of him too. Although, I am not jealous of his taco shop. It sounds terrible.

#13 - The Boston Red Sox

The Boston Red Sox, like the Braves, narrowly missed the playoffs last year after blowing a seemingly unblowable lead. The Red Sox were 83-53 om September first. They were first in the AL East by a half game, and they were 9 games ahead of the Rays. Not only that, but they had 7 games to play against the Rays. Surely, they would be able to at least split that series, leaving the Rays far behind. But it wasn't to be. The Red Sox went 1-6 over those two series in September. For the month, they went 7-17. A quick images search for "boston choke" reveals this, and I find it quite appropriate.



Yes, like the great James Tiberius Kirk chokes when he doesn't have oxygen to breathe, the Red Sox choked when their team couldn't stay on the field, and was happier to sit in the clubhouse drinking beers during the game. Reports came out that Manager Terry Francona no longer had control of his team. It also didn't help that 10 different pitchers made starts for the Red Sox over the course of the season. 11 different players took a turn starting the game in the outfield. All this turnover and uncertainty, as well as drunkenness resulted in something we all know too well:

#15 - The Atlanta Braves

According to an Adult Swim bump, Atlanta is the worst sports city in the nation. They've taken home one championship in 153 combined years of professional sports. You might call them just the worst. That's right, Atlanta is worse than Cleveland, which actually only ranked 8th, but fittingly, the Braves beat the Indians for the only Atlanta championship. What I'm trying to say here is, it's not always that much fun to be a Braves fan, unless of course you want to talk smack on the Pirates.

Frankie posted this little bitty video last year, but I always enjoy taking the opportunity to remind him of the last time the Pirates were good and how they let it slip through their fingers and turned it into one of the greatest moments in Braves franchise history.



Of course, without the help of the Braves and one Mr. Brooks Conrad, the Giants would not have been able to experience one of the greatest moments in their franchise history. So, I guess the Braves have a love hate relationship with all those Pirates/Giants fans in the world. Since there are all of maybe one of those in the country, at least he can be conflicted.

#17 - The Chicago White Sox

The last time I spoke to you, it was about the nice north side of Chicago, we now turn our attention to the South Side, where the real Chicago is. There was a lot of doom and gloom in that post. Surely Chicago can't have two teams that will struggle all summer. The ChiSox have to have a bit more going for them, right?

Well.... not really. I'm telling you right now... there are a lot of red flags that say it's going to be a long summer in the Windy City. The White Sox finished 2011 at 79-83, nine games worse than 2010, and I don't believe they added enough pieces in the offseason to be a contender in what will be a very weak AL Central in 2012. This is mostly because they actually didn't add any pieces. Even at the time I'm writing this, the White Sox are 2-7 in Cactus league play, and we described in an MLB.com article yesterday as "hapless". This franchise might be in trouble.


At least Ozzie is gone, maybe now the kittens will be spared.

The biggest move Chicago made this offseason was letting Ozzie Guillen go to the fish and letting Robin Ventura become their new manager. Guillen was fiery and fun and gave the media plenty to talk about, but was about as stable as this:

#19 - The Chicago Cubs

I'm sorry Cubs fans, I'm distracted this evening. It didn't help that when I looked at the roster, the best word to describe my feeling was "unimpressed". Look, I think of the Cubs as a very proud franchise. I think of Ernie Banks. I think of Johnny Evers. I think of Ryne Sandberg. I'm not sure I yet think of Geovany Soto as an heir to Mr. Cub, and I don't see this team getting past the regular season.

This year will be a facelift for Chicago. They've hired new general manager Theo Epstein. If the man can break the Curse of the Bambino like he did in Boston, he's probably the person best suited to breaking the Billy Goat Curse in Chicago. This year, however, we may see some growing pains.

It's too bad for Chicago. They've got so many good things going for them. Ferris Bueller, The Blues Brothers, Second City Comedy, Lake Michigan, The El Train, That Cloud Thing, Mayor Daly.... the list goes on... but it's all what was, or what is, and they're not things that will influence the 2012 Cubs.

So what will? Will it be this?



Or this?



Bonus points if you can tell one from the other. (Hint: they are actually the same)

#21 - The Toronto Blue Jays

We finish out our first third of the 2012 MLB landscape today with the preview of the Jays. It's been 20 years since we heard, "Touch 'em all Joe, you'll never hit a bigger home run in your life." But it could happen again. Hailing from the frozen north, the Blue Jays have the privilege of being that other bird team in the division totally dominated by the Yankees and Red Sox, and then in recent years, the Rays. This means, just like their sick Canadian heritage suggests, they're totally liable to launch a sneak attack on happy, unsuspecting, innocent Americans. It will be just like in the brilliant hypothetical film, South Park: The Movie. Remember, they bombed the Baldwins. And look how ridiculous their royal weddings are:

Royal Pudding
Get More: SOUTH
PARKIke Broflovski,Terrance,Phillip,more...

And lest we forget Bryan Adams..... never forget Bryan Adams..... and the horror he has brought upon the world.

Bryan Adams At His Worst

Yes, Canada has been the scourge of America since the Americans failed to defeat them in the War of 1812. Unfortunately, we've had to coexist peacefully. We've even had to share our sport with them, and though they tried to return the favor with the export of hockey, we all know which is the superior game.

It's not that Canada is a barren wasteland, but, it's kind of a barren wasteland. But all kidding aside. They have given the world some great things, like maple syrup, maple leaves, maple candy, Conan O'Brien and maple trees. Oh, and the Blue Jays. The Blue Jays were my dark horse of the East last year, and I think they've earned that credit again.

#23 - The Minnesota Twins

It's hard to believe that the cellar dwellers of the American League made it to #23, but they did. With only 63 wins and not a single 10 game winner on the pitching staff, the Twins were the doormat of the AL in 2011. So, what happened to the Twins team that Frankie and I thought had a chance at winning their division and quite possibly winning the AL Pennant? A lot. Injuries mostly. But the Twins have come out swinging in 2012, and with some retooling and a youth movement on the way, the Twins are ready to make some noise in the AL Central.

Like, really? Twins ahead of the Brewers? How did we let this happen. Did Frankie and I take crazy pills? Yes, we did. But maybe it was because yesterday was Leap Day, and nothing counts on Leap Day. But today is March 1st, and real life has to begin. Real life hit home in Minneapolis/St. Paul last year when their two best players only played a combined 151 games. So which Twins team will show up this year? A healthy one with promise, poise, and power, or the runt with compromised morals and a stupid ponytail?