The Yankees are the kings of the majors. If you ask anyone in America to name a baseball team, chances are that they know the Yankees, even if they can't name the team in their own backyard. Yes, I know that my extreme dislike of the Yankees is based in envy. I want my team to have that level of success year in and year out that makes me believe we're failed if we didn't win the World Series. I want to know that my ownership is willing to spend obscene amounts of money to get players they have no business signing. I want my roster to have players that all have contact and power ratings of 85 instead of 65 in video games. It makes them so much easier to play.
But most of all, I hate Derek Jeter. I hate his smug smile. I hate his five World Championship rings. I hate the fact that he's going to be a first ballot hall of famer. I hate that he represents everything Yankee. I especially dislike the fact that he is a truly good human being who plays the game well and shows up every day with a smile. God I'm jealous of him too. Although, I am not jealous of his taco shop. It sounds terrible.
To be fair, the Yankees make the sport that much more interesting to watch. Like Frankie pointed out yesterday, without the Emperor, Skywalker would never have been a hero. With the Yankees around, it gives every other fan of every other team something to agree upon and unite around. It gives us all that one common goal: beating the Yankees.
Fortunately for me and Yankee-haters everywhere, they did not make it past the ALDS last year, losing to Justin Verlander and the Tigers. They did however, win 97 games, most in the AL, and the AL East title. They were pretty good. OK, they were really good. It's hard not to be good when you have arguably the best lineup in baseball. Literally, there wasn't one weak spot in the lineup, and every starter returns this year.
It was a good offensive team last year. They finished 7th with a team batting average of .263. But, they finished with 222 home runs, first in the majors, 867 runs (2nd), and 836 RBI (2nd). Not only were there power numbers impressive, but they finished first with 627 walks and 4th with 147 stolen bases. The numbers don't lie, this team could hit. It definitely helps to play in Yankee Stadium, where they finished 52-29 and hit 122 home runs, but the away numbers are no less outstanding. Yup, they're going to hit again
Once again, the leader of the team will be the Captain, Derek Jeter (.297/6/61). He is just the worst. I alluded to him before, and my opinion since the previous paragraphs has not changed.
SLIDE YOU IDIOT
There it is. The play that taught me life isn't fair. The moment when I lost my childhood innocence. He'll continue to haunt my dreams as long as I live. And yeah, he'll still play good baseball in 2012.
Backing up Jeter will be the veritable funky bunch. Mark Teixiera (.248/39/111) needs to remember how to raise the average, but it's hard to blink at his outstanding defense and the 35 bombs he'll hit. Robinson Cano (.302/28/118) should be considered a perennial MVP candidate, and I believe this year may be his peak. Behind the plate will be Russell Martin (.237/18/65). He fell out of favor in LA and had injury issues, but his resurgence last summer along with Jorge Posada's retirement and the trade of Jesus Montero mean that he will be the heir to Berra this year.
In left field, Brett Gardner (.258/7/36/87R/49SB) returns as the lone Yankee (outside of Jeter) who will not be expected to hit at least 20 home runs. I believe this. Seven players in the nine could hit at least 20 home runs this year. Only 4 did last year, but one only played in 125 games, and another played in 99. The 7th did hit 20 with the Phillies. Gardner, however, will steal at least 45 bases. In center will be Curtis Granderson (.261/41/119), who mashes and runs with the best of them. Right field will be manned by former Oakland Athletic Nick Swisher (.260/23/85). With everything going on around him, his impressive numbers often get overlooked, but he definitely isn't cheated, and may be the smilyest guy in baseball.
The only new addition to the lineup will be the assumed DH, the geriatric Raul Ibanez (.245/20/84). His best years are behind him, but the Yankees are hoping to get one more season out of him. If he fails, Andrew Jones and former Oakland Athletic Eric Chavez, though also in the twilight of their careers, will be there to take their hacks as well.
That brings us to the last piece of the Yankee puzzle, Alex Rodriguez (.276/16/62). A-Roid is another one of my least favorite players, but his health will decide whether the Yankee lineup is just great, or unstoppable. He hasn't played in over 140 games since 2007. At 36 now, his career 629 home runs and 1893 runs batted in are impressive, and, if he can stay on the field, will once again scare pitchers everywhere.
A-Roid illustrates my only complaint with this lineup. At 28, Gardner is the youngest player on the team. Cano and Martin are 29, but past that, their ages are 31, 31, 31, 36, 37, and 39. Their two best bench players are both 34. Though it's not awful to have great established players on your team, the relative age of the team may catch up with them at some point. If a couple go down, the Yankees may be, believe it or not, in trouble.
On the mound, the Yankees improved from last year. Perennial Cy Young candidate C.C. Sabathia (19-8, 3.00) is still the ace of the staff. He will be one of only two returners to the rotation. Second on the depth chart is currently Hiroki Kuroda (13-16, 3.07). It will be interesting to see how he pitches in the spotlight of New York, but he's turned in 11+ wins and sub-3.40 ERAs the last two years. Third will be phenom Ivan Nova (16-4, 3.70), who came out of nowhere last year to be one of the most reliable starters on the staff. Fourth in the rotation will be the BIG acquisition, Miguel Pineda (9-10,3.74). Pineda was shut down the by Mariners late last year to preserve his young arm, but while he was pitching, he is dominant. It will also be interesting to see how the youngster performs in the pinstripes, but there is no doubt that the talent is there. The fifth starter spot is still up for grabs, but I would not be surprised to see Phil Hughes moved to the bullpen, Freddy Garcia optioned to AAA, and the job handed to "Old Man River", Andy Petitte. He hasn't pitched since he made 21 starts in 2010, but even then he went 11-3 with a 3.28.
Closing for the Yankees in what will likely be his final season will be Mariano Rivera (44 SV/49 SVO). He and his cut fastball have destroyed hitters for too long. He truly is one of the game's greats, but for my fandom's sake, I'll be glad when he retires. Setting him up will be All-Star setup man David Robertson (4-0, 1.08) and Rafael Soriano (2-3, 4.12). Robertson was electric, while Soriano took a while to adjust to the spotlight, but those two, along with Joba "Jabba" Chamberlain and Hughes will make the whole staff tough to handle.
The ages of the pitchers (Petitte: 39, Kuroda: 37, Rivera: 42; others: 31, 23, 25) are on average a little younger than the lineup, and there's a little more depth there should one go down, but it will again be a storyline to watch as the season progresses.
No matter what you think about them, this is a solid team. I would be very surprised if they didn't make the playoffs this year. With the money they spent on it, the ownership would be surprised too.
Ladies and Gents, the Yankees:
C Russel Martin
1B Mark Teixiera
2B Robinson Cano
3B Alex Rodriguez
SS Derek Jeter
LF Brett Gardner
CF Curtis Granderson
RF Nick Swisher
DH Raul Ibanez
SP C.C. Sabathia
SP Hiroki Kuroda
SP Ivan Nova
SP Miguel Pineda
SP Andy Petitte
CL Mariano Rivera
The Yankees go wire to wire, winning 105 games along the way and smashing their competition. Sabathia wins the Cy Young, Cano wins the MVP, and Pineda is dazzling, making the Seattle brass look terrible after Montero fails to contribute. Their dominance is gross. They hit 245 home runs, and bat .281 as a team. They destroy the Angels in the division series, and swipe the Tigers away in the ALCS, repaying them for 2011. The Giants bats are no match for the Yankees' big 4, and though Timmy and Cain pitch brilliantly, it's hard to win when your team can't score, and when you're pitching against the 21st century version of murderers row. The Yankees win the World Series in five games. Satan appears at the end of game five and the earth is plunged into 1,000 years of darkness. Jeter retires and enters the broadcast booth, eventually replacing and even proving to be worse than Joe Buck.
The squad put on the field should have been handed walkers as part of their contracts. Ibanez, Rodriguez, Jeter, Chavez, and Jones are all hurt by mid-May, and the Yankees struggle to complete their lineup. Meanwhile, Petitte flops in his return, and Kuroda can't handle the pressure. Freddy Garcia is hurt down in AAA, meaning that Hughes and Chamberlain become starters again. Even with all the injury woes, the Yankees have enough talent to win a wild card berth with the Los Angeles Angels. Weaver is able to outduel Sabathia and Pujols hits 2 home runs to knock the Yankees out of the playoffs.
After New York riots and begin the second American Civil War, the nation of Panem rises from the ashes. A-Roid is forced to be a tribute at the Funky Games, and is cut down by an 16 year old girl with a bow. After baseball is restored, the tax and cap keep the Yankees out of the playoffs for 50 years. There is much rejoicing.
What Will Probably Happen
I can't bring myself to say any better: they win the East, but lose in the Division Series to the Rangers.
Song For The Yankees
I really hope their baseball skills reflect the lyrical and grammatical skills of this man.
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